Stuff, Ramblings, Nonsense, Win and Awesome

The more things change...

2012-01-08T07:13:00.002-06:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated this blog. I think I just got so wrapped up in dwelling on the past that I couldn't look towards the future. I stepped away, and now I'm ready to start spilling my guts again.

There's one person, who I don't even know, following this blog, so I'm not even sure why I bother. I suppose it's because there's so much in my head that I need to get out, and people don't want to necessarily read it. I've been more active on facebook, but there's so much stuff going on in my family that I want and need to talk about. My family has always been the kind of people that would not speak about their internal problems with anyone else, because they felt it was none of their business. I suppose they are right, but sometimes, you just need to say it. It makes it real, and often times, it makes it OK.

Far too much has happened in the past couple of years since I updated this thing, and I seriously doubt I'll take the time to go and catch it all up. After all, I'm mostly doing this for me, and I remember it all.

Today, I go see my father for probably the last time that he is alive. Tomorrow, he moves into hospice.

I spent a lot of time away from my family. We didn't always see eye to eye, I guess because I'm different in most ways than they are.

My mom, not my mom. My brothers, one step, one half. The merging of 2 families when I was just a year old gave me a mostly stable and normal childhood. My mom's family always treated me like an outsider though, so that's fun.

But my dad.

We were so very close when I was young. He was my everything. I was loved and spoiled.

Then I became a teenager. Then I met a man. Then things when to shit.

There was a lot of tears, yelling, and heartache, and I moved out at sixteen.

Fast forward through a false accusation, a trial, and many years of not speaking.

In 2007, the accident happened. My parents were there for me to help me plan the funerals. I don't think I could have done it without them. What a horrible way to reunite. Then they didn't even bother to show up for the funerals, and I don't think I will ever find a way to forgive them. Not one single member of my very large family showed up for the funerals of my husband and 6yr old daughter that they never got to meet.

I tried to work past it, but in the end, another falling out.

Fast forward a couple more years and here we are.

My mom and her side of the family still very much treat me like the kid they all got stuck with. My dad, I'm back to daddy's little girl, minus the spoiled.

We talk a lot, about everything. He tells me I'm fat, I tell him he's old and crazy. It's love. A weird, self esteem destroying kind of love, but what can I expect out of the youngest of 8 who was raised by a Russian Jew immigrant and her abusive German husband?

I look around my house this morning, and see it full of him. The drop-top secretaries desk that is an antique, that he bought for my birth mother. The 72-peice china set that fills that piece that he just HAD to have. His dog is currently in the corner looking pathetic as she stares at the cat's and wants to play.

Today, I go to Dallas to get the rest of his stuff. He moves into the hospice facility at 10am Monday morning. Losing him is going to destroy me. What am I supposed to do without my dad? So many years lost over my bad decisions. I am full of so much regret. We've talked about it, as much as we talk about anything, and there's forgiveness. My dad has a lot of faults, his ability to forgive however, is amazing. I put that man through HELL and back. And there he is today, still loving his daughter.

It's going to be really hard to not break down today. I want to look strong for him, but I worry that my appearing stronger than I really am appears as apathy. I know he knows, but it doesn't make it better.

new hair

2009-04-30T01:29:00.001-05:00

I lourves it. I need some bleach touchups but i'm really happy with how it turned out

yay food

2009-04-29T11:12:00.003-05:00

I got on foodstamps yesterday. talk about humbling. I'm getting $200 a month, so, yay food! Thank god too because the day before, I ate 2 sleeves of saltines. that was it.

sunburn is getting better. still hurts a little, starting to peel and turn into a nice deep tan.

waiting on someone to come over at 12:30 to buy my PS2 and game for $30.00
yay for gas and smokes.

i hate my life

ouch

2009-04-26T21:26:00.002-05:00

so yesterday was Eeyore's Birthday. This year I decided to volunteer. I helped with the recycling, which meant I was "working" for 2 hours and then spent the rest of the day soaking up some sun and drinking lots of beer and smoking way too much.

and by soaking up some sun, I mean i'm damn near purple and starting to blister.

ouch ouch ouch. I was up at 4:30 this morning, up for a few hours watching cnn and fell back asleep till 11:30.
I just tried laying back on a pillow... I might have to take some nyquil to get some sleep tonight.

insert laugh that makes you question my sanity

2009-04-24T18:22:00.001-05:00

i lost my job today

on the application, it asked if i had been convicted of a crime. I said no because, technically, I haven't. the type of probation i was on, is not a conviction.

they finally ran my background check, and it's on there, of course, and its a problem.

oh dear god

2009-04-22T10:41:00.002-05:00

I over did it last night. BIG TIME!!!

Went on a date with a GORGEOUS boy!
His name is Doug, he's 40, a pisces, a painter, rockabilly, has tattoos, and drives a motorcycle

oh boy I think I'm in trouble :D

it's getting better all the time...

2009-04-15T20:55:00.002-05:00

I started a new job yesterday. It pays about $3.00 less an hour than my last 2 jobs i've had, but with the cheap rent that includes bills at the new place, I will make enough to pay my bills and still have money to live on.. just have to curtail my unnecessary spending like random clutter shit from goodwill. i dont see having a problem with that since me and Josh are getting futher and further away from each other's lives.

The new job does have health insurance that starts after 90 days, and my last job's has already ended, so i just have to wait for anything i want to get checked out, like an oddly shaped mole on my arm, and why I wake up feeling hungover even when i havent had a drink in over a week.

I had an epiphany last night about Josh.

I have always tried to find the "good" in every relationship i've had.

Joe, good starter marriage, and I got some great kids out of it.
Fred, showed me that even after being married for 11 years and having 3 kids, someone would find me sexy.
Aleph, terrible long distance thing, but it showed me that someone would love me and that I could have the capacity to love someone other than Joe.
Josh, was my training wheels. We had a real relationship, and yes, he was one foot out the door the entire time, and broke my heart, and then strung me along for a year, but it showed me that i can have a REAL relationship.

I am sad, but not too sad. I am angry, but not too angry. I'm upset by him but not at him. I am disappointed. I wanted more, but he couldnt give more. Ok. I will always love him, and be his friend, but I can't get what I want from him, even tho he is the one I want, ok. I can't force someone to want to be with me. I can't force someone to love me. He's even talking about going back into the Air Force, so i think if we have some distance, and he does go thru with it, it wont hurt quite as bad. I hope anyway.

Time to find ME again. HAPPY me. Me who likes to dye her hair random colors and doesnt stop dying her hair for a guy (its been MONTHS) Me who likes to cut her hair however she wants, and wear black and white striped heels just because they are cool. ME who loves her "angry music".

Ready to be happy again, ready to be ME again. ready to boast about my kid's awesome accomplishments and just.. be me.

need a fresh start

2009-04-12T20:24:00.003-05:00

need to move away from Texas.
I love Texas. I am PROUD to be from Texas, but i have been hanging on by a string for too long. There is nothing FOR me here anymore. I've been out of work for about 2 weeks, and while I'm starting a new job Tuesday, which I'm happy about, I can't help but feel my time here is over. Even my closest friends I never see or talk to anymore. Josh has stopped talking to me for the most part, and sitting home, alone, no family or friends to spend the holiday with is affecting me BIG TIME. It's very depressing to have sat at home watching TV all day. I am not happy with my life, and I need to start over.

not happy...havent been for 6 months

2009-03-21T21:15:00.002-05:00

I've come to the realization recently, that I have not been truly happy in 6 months. Yes, there have been some good times, some smiles and laughs, but as a whole, to my core, unhappy. People have been able to sense this. I used to be the girl who would break into dance in the middle of goodwill because it was a good song. I dont do that anymore. 6 months ago, I would have put a tutu on my cat because its funny. Now, I just wish she would stop meowing.

I was happier than i'd been in a very long time.

But I lied.

I was arrested at work for not completing my deferred adjudication from writing checks I didnt have the money to cash from when I was married and had a family and he was sick and I had 3 kids to support and did what I had to do to feed and clothe them. I was told by one county to not worry about a class because I was moving counties. Apparently, I had to do the class anyway.
When they came to arrest me, I lied to the person I cared the most about. I pretended to not know what they were arresting me, and continued that lie for a good day.

I would love to blame my parents for this flaw. This flaw that I thought I had stopped doing. This sudden oh god panic.. lie. that will make it better. I know it doesnt make it better. It ALWAYS makes things worse. ALWAYS. "dont tell your dad the car made that noise" "dont tell your dad how you skinned your knee" "dont tell your dad this, that, the other" we never knew how dad would react... it usually did not end well and left at least one person crying. not because of the lie tho, but because my dad was an evil bipolar bastard who liked to call my mother a whore. Who one day threw me against a wall and kicked me in the ribs and threatened to drop me off in the red light district to fend for myself. I was 13 and told my brother i was sorry our mom was his substitute teacher and hurt her feelings. that was his response.

Its not my parents fault. Its mine. I panicked. and I lied. Because of that, I lost the man I care most for in the world. The man I fell in love with on my birthday just a few weeks before when I opened to the door to his apartment to find all my new close friends throwing me a surprise party.

Losing him was just part of it. Knowing what I did to him when I lied is what's worse. I didnt trust him and then I lost his trust in me. I'm not sorry for why I was on probation. If I were put in the same situation of having a terminally ill husband and 3 children to support and getting no help, I would do it again. I'm sorry that I lied about it. I'm sorry that I kept it hidden to begin with and I'm sorry that when given the chance to come clean I continued to hide.

So much has happened in my life that I cannot even begin to explain, and I was so so happy. And I fucked it up. and I'm so sorry.

2009-02-26T09:17:00.003-06:00

2009-02-25T23:37:00.004-06:00

2009-01-29T16:04:00.001-06:00

2009-01-28T09:28:00.003-06:00

you only get 2 for now... im being lazy

2009-01-25T22:56:00.001-06:00

Wish I could smoke inside

2009-01-24T14:24:00.002-06:00

Went to the doctors.

She felt me up, got blood drawn, and I have a mammogram monday morning at 8:30am.

Tonight i go do Rocky Horror Picture show, so i'm looking forward to that, even tho its going to be like, 30 degrees outside and i'll be in a corset and shorts >.<

Not much in the mood to write..

Why does your love smell like pickles?

2009-01-22T10:34:00.002-06:00

I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow.

My boobs have been hurting for a week straight. They are heavy and bigger and really really really sore. I am nauseated randomly and getting dizzy spells. I am having random pains in my lower abdomen about where my ovaries are located.

I've peed on 2 sticks, not pregnant, so something else is going on.

Seriously, all i want to do is throw up, and lay in bed with a cold towel on my head and boobs and sleep.

I've looked up symptoms, and 3 things are possible.
A) Pregnant.. again, peed on 2 sticks.. not pregnant
B) Breast Cancer
C) NOTHING

I'm betting it's C. There's never anything wrong, and my body just hates me.

I'll post when I know more

I found a kitty!

2009-01-17T20:59:00.002-06:00

I found this guy the other day on my back porch. I tried feeding him and it turns out that he is not very friendly because i think he may be scared. Not quite sure the breed but I am assuming he is part Siamese. I have him in a crate because he is not really house broken. I wonder who's he is...

GO VOTE FOR THIS!

2009-01-15T16:03:00.001-06:00

Movin on up...

2009-01-11T22:23:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was moving day.

We managed to get 99% of it done, in 4 hours. YAY for people helping and a uhaul! Best $30 ive spent in a WHILE!

got almost everything unpacked and set up today, had to go back to Ikea for another set of curtains to go under the ones I already bought and put up because the afternoon sun beats into my room and turns it into a freakin oven!

Got to have dinner with Pete, so that was fun. We went and had Italian, yum.. and then he hung out at the new pad for a couple of hours, chilling and chatting.

I'm supposed to go to Elysium tonight for a friend's birthday party thing but it starts at 11 and i am TIRED and I have to work tomorrow and who does their birthday at a club at 11pm on a school night!??

Sorry Rudy :(

Thats pretty much all I got. Gonna go and find my alarm clock cell phone and SLEEEEP!

seacrest out!

Fiesta siesta something else esta...

2009-01-05T21:37:00.002-06:00

Watching the game

Full of chicken

Playing spore

Sleepy

Comfy

Cold outside

Doing laundry

Starting to pack

Hate roommate

Sleepy

Don't want to go to work

Want to go on a trip

Want to go back to California

Really like the bay area

Too cold, expensive, aleph LOL

Aleph is being weird, again... Oh well. Not like I wanted to get back together just missed my friend. His loss

Tummy full of greasy chicken

Am sleepy

Texas

Fight

Texas

Fight

Might fall asleep watching game

Not good idea

Need to do more laundry and I'd sleep till morning and probably be late for work

Sleeeeepy!!!0

So much for a good day

2009-01-03T19:56:00.002-06:00

I was up at 5am to head to REI for their garage sale which doesn't happen often. Basically all the stuff that gets returned they sell really really cheap. I got 2 pairs of pants, a shirt, a chalk bag, chalk, and the exact pair of climbing shoes I've been wanting all for $58.00. Which is beyond awesome because the shoes brand new are $69

I then went for an hour long hike. Just me and nature. Freakishly warm weather, the wind, the birds...
Bliss

Then I got lost LOL. Ok I knew where I was because I could see the road I just couldn't get down and was about 200 feet in the air above it. At least I knew either a snake a bobcat or the fall would kill me

Ha!

But I found my way back after falling and slipping twice. Came home, took a fantastic long shower and got hungry.

Went to chilis and had my favorite soup yum! Thought about using my new shoes but after food my body went DO NOT WANT

Came home and yay!!!!!!! Eviction notice! Thanks drunk idiot roommate for whatever you did to get us kicked out

So went to epoch, called about 7 people looking for roomies and I've been sitting at home playing spore since

Oh and my former best friend decided to "call me out" on his blog
Whatever
Don't care anymore
Fuck you
Were done

cleansing and purging

2009-01-01T17:42:00.002-06:00

Welcome to 2009!

I thought about sitting here and typing out my 2008, but got to April and decided that it was going to take entirely too long and would be mostly boring and changed my mind. Besides, I drank way too much the first part of my year to remember it all ha ha.

So..

Ok, Christmas. I am really glad for a co-worker who invited me and the asshole roommate to spend the day with him and his family, otherwise I would have had nothing else to do. I got a new champagne glass to replace the one the cat broke, so that was awesome. I also got 2 movies and 2 books. I got a card from my mom. gee. thanks mom.

I'm thinking of sending her a guilt filled email to get her to send me an REI giftcard so I can get the climbing shoes I want. It probably wouldnt work but its worth a shot, right?

New Years.
Fun, Drama, booze, too much food.

I took my nicotine patch off about 4pm (much to the displeasure of a certain monkey man) and decided the day before new years was a stupid time to quit smoking since I would be drinking. I had 5 maybe 6 cigarettes, and my chest feels like an elephant sat on it today. Not a good choice. MM shot off a firework and it went a wrong direction and headed directly towards myself and B. B and P then decided to berate MM about his fireworks safety and skills pissing off MM. B and P need to back the fuck off sometimes. After that, more people showed up to talk to and in the end, had a pretty good time, a bottle of champagne, some guitar hero, and surrounded by good friends.
oh, and being told that a certain someone is never allowed back into their house.
awesome.
apologizing to EVERYONE that was there Thanksgiving for someone's actions and decisions and promising, that no... never again.

I'm not going to go into detail about the previous statements, lets just say drama and bullshit was brought into a drama and bullshit free zone, some really bad decisions by someone else pretty much ruined any chance they had an a really awesome adopted family here in Austin, and I should not have to go back and apologize to people for a grown person's choices, but I had to and that was that.

I dont want to go to work tomorrow, but that's normal. I *could* call in sick but I wont because I actually will have a ton of work that needs to be done because its the first day of client expectations.

Lets see, In other news.

I have quit smoking. MM had about $600 in flex spending to use by the end of the year (giving us 3 days to use it all) and part of what was bought was the patch for me to quit smoking. I'm not craving a cigarette, its the routine. Its the "ok its 9am, I've been at work for an hour, had my coffee and some brekkie and i havent actually started working because all my customers are in Washington and Oregon, so lets go smoke!". Getting into my car and lighting a cigarette. Sitting at Epoch drinking coffee and chain smoking. I can do it, its just going to be weird.

MM and I have started a clense. Filling our bodies with so many toxins (me cigarettes, us both booze, and processed foods) and we're both tired, lethargic, headaches, etc, and have decided to start "the master clense"...which means we're pooing a lot! LOL

that's pretty much it really.

I'll try and update this thing more often! Promise!

Dreading Thursday

2008-12-22T10:54:00.000-06:00

This Thursday, as we all know, is Christmas.

This will be my first Christmas alone. Not going to my parents, no real boyfriend, Seth and Reagan are in Dallas, Joe and Jeanie are gone.

This will be the first Christmas waking up with no tree, no decorations, no presents, no waking up at OMG:30 because the kids are excited to see what Santa brought, no Christmas dinner, no fruitcake (i love fruitcake!!), no wrapping paper to clean up, no batteries to install.

I don't want Thursday to happen. I want to sleep thru the day.

I hate this

SATURDAY NIGHT NINJA NERD ATTACK!!!!

2008-12-13T19:55:00.003-06:00

IOI <---it's a Tie Fighter!

X <---and an X-Wing!

@ <---Death Star
|
|
| <---Oh no! Laser beams! Look out!
|
>O< <---Aww poor Alderaan. It exploded.

Training over finally and almost show time!

2008-12-13T19:49:00.002-06:00

So I've been a bad blogger

BAD!

BAD BLOGGER!

Well dear loyal readers, I am BACK MWAHAHA

Training for Qwest is finally over. huzzah. That being said, I'm still going to be assholes and elbows deep in work and will have hardly any time to fuck around :( Wont stop me from a game or 7 of chroma at work with an equally bored J but still.

Show time is almost upon us. December 20th at 9pm at Stubbs on the inside stage. This is terrifying and exciting at the same time. I'm in 5 numbers, and you wont see more than my bum unless something slips out, which has been known to happen ;)

Its Saturdy night and I'm sitting like a dork at my favorite coffee shop with music being poured into my ears and coffee and cigarettes filling my body.

Lets see, what else has been going on?
I'm part of a group called Young Exec's. Its a networking group for people under 40 with "big boy jobs". We had our appreciation party, which included drinks, food and a downtown scavenger hunt. Was fun, was cold, we came in 4th. haha

That's all I have for now.

SEACREST. OUT!

I hate it when I sit down and my buttcrack shows

2008-11-30T14:10:00.002-06:00

Well HELLOOOOOO happy shiny party people!

Where do I even begin?

Ok, I guess at the beginning. That would make the most sense, yes? But this blog is supposed to be full of nonsense, so be prepared for a bit of randomness as I have what, a month's worth of catching up to do?

Training is going good. Its filling my brain with new stuff and i'm worried its pushing out the good stuff... .like colors and memories lol

Thanksgiving was great. I ate entirely TOO MUCH food, 2 days in a row. I flew my best friend Nikk in from Chicago, and he's here till Dec 2. Its been nice for him to get away from his mother and the snow and 19 degree weather.
Our days have been full of half price booking and goodwilling and game stores and comic shops with Pete and Josh. Today, we are sitting outside my favorite Sunday spot, Epoch.

Its cold and ive already had too much coffee because its fucking cold out.
We are sitting outside so we can smoke. its cold.

damnitt is it cold

We went and did Karaoke last night and I am proud to say I walked out on my own 2 feet. The last time i went with everyone to sing badly I had to be carried out and then killed my friends front lawn by waking up on it at 3am.
I started on the couch... not sure still how i ended up outside.. Yes the grass is dead where I slept and i will never ever live it down.

Everyone got sick about 2 weeks ago, I still have the cough, which sucks.. maybe its the pack of camels i smoke a day... nah... lol

im pissed cause i updated my iphone and it deleted everything ive done on it since the last time i backed it up. I'm going to have to reinstall a bunch of apps!

Ok, I think that's it. Training ends on Dec 4th so i will be back to blogging with some consistency then

highlight of the day: ITS FUCKING COLD!!!

I'm a bad bad blogger

2008-11-18T09:58:00.000-06:00

I have started my new team at work, and as a result, I am spending until December the 4th in training classes. I have no time to get on the internet except for the rare time like right this second, which is about to end to get onto the internet, and I dont have internet at home, yet.

dont worry 1 follower, I'll be back soon to fill your head with stuff, ramblings, nonsense, win and awesome

Baby showers

2008-11-08T22:10:00.002-06:00

Today, I am in Dallas for my oldest friend, Eva's baby shower.

Only Eva would have a baby shower that ends in girls getting drunk and showing their boobs and leaving her house a wreck like it was a fucking house party

yeah, i have nothing else to add to that. no you cant see the pics

yes there were pics

her dog ate the rest of my taco bueno nachos. damn dog

The Usual Suspects

2008-11-07T12:08:00.003-06:00

I'm sitting at Epoch again, because like the last few days, I have nothing better to do, and they have free Wifi.

I got tired of waiting around for American Airlines to get back to me in response to the snail mail I sent them about the refunds for the Paris trip and found where I could go online to request it. I've submitted the requests and now, I wait.

I hope they just give me the money back because I owe my dad a lot of money. I will take a travel voucher, and maybe i can sell it on ebay, but i just really hope more than anything i get my money back.

The 2nd part of that trip I added my then boyfriend, Josh, on to go with me. It was my fault we couldnt go, long sad story, and i feel so horrible that he was unable to go.

So..

His ticket i am working on getting a travel voucher for him for the amount of what I paid for his ticket (a little over $1,000) to give to him because he means more to me than i care to explain here, and he is the only person i have ever met that has the GTFO bug worse than I do. He deserves to be able to go on a vacation and this way, he can.

Tomorrow when I wake up, I make the 4 hour drive to Dallas for my friend Eva's baby shower. I am excited to see her again under better circumstances (the last time i saw her was because her nephew was killed by a cop car) but I am flat fucking broke (less than 50 bucks in my pocket to last me till the 15th) and I hate the drive. its so long and boring. Also, I'm missing the game.

BUT

I love her, so i'm going :)

Highlight of the day: more indy hipsters to laugh at at Epoch

I've been drinking since noon

2008-11-06T10:05:00.002-06:00

So in my last adventure's in life update, I was unsure whether or not I still had a job. Here's what's happened since the last time I was able to sit in front of a computer with internet access..

I still have a job, HOWEVER, it doesn't start until Monday. This means that since Tuesday at around 2:00pm, I have been not working, and not getting paid for it. I am thrilled to have a job, and to be starting on this new project.
NO MORE HP!! This excites me greatly.
What I will be working on now, is closed loop sales for Qwest. This basically means that i will be working for commissions, and its not a pay cut or raise, and I have to go thru 2 months of really intense training with no hope of hitting bonus for those 2 months. But its an actual SALES position, so i'm really happy about that. I am so much more a sales person as opposed to a telemarketer.

Other happenings:

OBAMA WON! holy shit. I actually CRIED. Tears of Joy, never you fear oh ONE loyal reader of this blog of win and awesome, tears of joy! Let's hope it wasnt just a lot of hype and let's REALLY hope someone doesnt peg him off ala Lincoln style!!

I found out why it looks like my housemate is trying to drink himself to death. It's because he ACTUALLY IS!
He has Hep C (yet another thing that would have been FANTASTIC to know before-hand) and was given 10 years. This was 8 years ago. He has no family, little to no friends. No body actually cares (in his mind) whether of not he lives or dies. Great. If this man ends up dying in my apartment, I'm going to be really pissed off.

Tuesday was a pretty rough day for me. It started off great, and then we got the calender invite for an "all hands on deck" meeting. Never a good sign to have all 50 people on the team in the same meeting. That's when we were told them news about HP going dark temporarily.

So, needless to say, the rest of the day was pretty shit. Now, I'm not much of a drinker. I've been known to go out with friends or see a band, and come crawling home at 3am drunk off my ass, or in one case, be put on a couch by a friend, only to wake up on his lawn thinking it was the bathroom, but for the most part, if I buy a 6 pack of beer, it will sit in my fridge for a month.

I had a bottle of champagne chilling in my fridge for the last month or so, should be NICE and cold, and all I really wanted to do when I got home was crack open that bottle of champagne, and drink myself silly. And yes, I literally mean silly. Me on champagne is like normal people on laughing gas.

I get home, set down my stuff, and head for the kitchen. I go to feed my fish, Old Gregg, and I notice my kitty, Requiem, has decided to bite a hole in the bottom of the cat food bag and have herself a nice kitty buffet. ok... that pisses me off cause the cat food I buy is not cheap. (yes i know cat food IS cheap, or CAN BE cheap, but buying the cheap shit is why your cat gets worms, and doesnt live longer than 10 years) Ok.. i can deal with a gluttonous kitteh.

THEN
I
SEE
WHAT
SHE
DID

A few months ago, I had purchased 2 REALLY BEAUTIFUL champagne flutes from Crate and Barrell. These things were like, $15.00 EACH. I already broke one on bottle of champagne month before and was really pissed with myself, but oh well.

Kitteh o' Gluttonbutt broke the other one getting into the bag of cat food

She couldnt just eat the fricken fish could she?!

Ok, I think Ive rambled enough for one day.

Highlight of the day: Sitting in epoch, and indy chick comes in. Indy INDIAN chick no less, with septum piercing (which doesnt look good on anyone) hasnt washed/brushed her hair in got knows how long. Ill fitting clothes and giant glasses. Here's the kicker. There's no lenses in said glasses.
I find it amusing how indy people try really hard to look cool and like they dont care, and it only comes across as they are homeless and in need of a bath.
Indy is the new Hippie and I want to throw hotel soap at them both.

It's getting better all the time...

2008-11-03T15:04:00.003-06:00

So.. just found out I may not have a job come tomorrow morning.

I work in Lead Gen.. basically, I am an overpaid telemarketer.
I work on the HP team, and they are re-evaluating their budget, so we are going into a blackout. It might take 3 weeks, it might last till January.

One option for all of us, wait it out
2nd option is they will find another program to put us on
3rd option is we get to interview for another program and might not get it... then what?!

I am trying to breathe
I am trying to not cry
I am trying to not have a panic attack and have a seizure

Let go, and Let G-d, right Eva?

I am really worried right now.

Nope

2008-11-02T09:50:00.004-06:00

This started off being a bitch, rant, vent, etc post... but I changed my mind

Today, is a beautiful day.

The sun in shining, the birds are singing, there's not a cloud in the sky. I am sitting in my usual spot AT my usual Sunday morning spot drinking my weight in coffee and taking full advantage of the free wifi.

Last night, I did something potentially really stupid, and because I don't/didn't get a response from it, I'm sitting here, worried, nervous, squirming, etc not knowing what is going on in the other person's head. That drives me crazy.

But I'm sitting here. Breathing, trying to "let go and let g-d" as Eva likes to say.. That is so much easier said than done.

I love my Sunday mornings to myself. No phone, No friends, just me, a cup of coffee, teh interwebs, and cool people doing their same escape. My friend, Alisa brought me here for the first time. We hadnt seen each other in a while, and I was in FULL ON crashing depression mode from a pretty heart wrenching break-up, so she drug me out here and made me talk about it, got to shut up and listen for a while, and left with an actual SMILE on my face. Something that hadnt been there for a while.

Halloween was a blast. The vibe at the party was a little weird, but by the end of the night, fantastic time. Good friends, great pictures, GREAT "punch", sharing some fantastic cigars, an overall success :)

Highlight of today:

The guy sitting to the left of me drinking coffee and reading a book, LOOKS LIKE SANTA CLAUS! hehe

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2008-10-31T15:26:00.003-05:00

Today is my favorite holiday!

Let's run down the events of the day...

A) I got to wear my hair in curlers, a maternity shirt, PJ pants and slippers, covered in blood, and holding a bloody pillowcase full of baby-doll parts with a soccer ball under my shirt to look pregnant

B) All the light's have been turned out on my side, and its warm, and I want to go to sleep!

C) We had a potluck... i didnt get to eat any of it because by the time I got there, all the good food was gone >.<

D) It's 3:30, and I havent eaten today

E) PAYDAY! WOOT!

F) My body hates me and my sex life

G) This day is dragging ass and I've decided to leave an hour early!!

H) The party tonight is going to be win and awesome

I would put more, but i'm going to continue reading ohmygods, playing chroma, pretending to work, and smoking too many cigarettes.

HAVE A HAPPY HALLOWEENIE EVERYONE!

They catch me ridin dirty

2008-10-30T17:14:00.003-05:00

Ok, quickie for today cause I'm about to leave work and i have thought of NOTHING to write about, and god forbid I leave my audience without some words of nonsense for today (and by audience, I mean the one of you that follows this blog....)

Tomorrow is Halloween. I love this holiday. For work, I get to carry around a bag full of bloody doll parts, and tomorrow night I get to walk around in a dress so short you have to shave to wear it, and I dont mean your legs

god bless america and god bless being a 20something not fat chick who can get away with dressing like a total slag and not only is it OK, but its EXPECTED

blood, sex and violence makes me a happy twisted girl

I'm the girl

2008-10-29T14:35:00.003-05:00

who wants to stare into your eyes for as long as I love to stare at the stars

who loves getting a manicure after getting my hands dirty in the garden or making something with power tools

who loves your friends

who has a hot dinner waiting on you after a long day at work

who doesn't mind you leave your socks on the floor

who doesn't care if you hole up in a studio for days

who's happy to haul gear

who loves to laugh as loudly as possible

who loves to get in a car, and flip a coin for left or right

who starts water balloon fights

who cries at movies, gushes over babies, and listens to slayer

who will show up looking great so you can feel lucky you get to take me home

who is faithful to a fault

who knows love is more than just words

who can appreciate the beauty in art, no matter what it is

who loves to dance, even if there's no music playing and no matter who's watching; even in the middle of the store

who never stops learning

who gets so engrossed in a book you don't see me for the entire day till I'm done

who loves hearing stories of your childhood from your mom

who sees something in a store i know you would like and just *have* to surprise you with it

who can afford my own shoe habit but still expect you to pay for dinner

who always buys the first round

who loves to be treated like a lady while cussing like a sailor

who loves getting tattoos and pedicures

who has certain songs that always bring me to tears

who has a bad day but would never take it out on you

who cares if you had a good day, and if it was bad, wants to hear about it and make it better

who has a life outside of you but still wants you to be a part

who doesn't care if you have porn, and will watch it with you

who can't have children traditionally but loves to try

who has goals

who writes in journals, and creates things just because

who thinks comic books and RPG's are fun

who loves to open the windows on a cold day and snuggle under a mountain of blankets

who will yell at the TV watching sports louder than you

who loves to stay up all night talking

who looks forward to my first cup of coffee but isn't grumpy before I get it

who is happy with myself with or without you

Welcome to random day!

2008-10-28T12:57:00.002-05:00

I have decided to make Tuesday's random day.

Prepare to be sucked into the random cloud that is about to BLOW YOUR MIND!
dun dun dunnnnnnn

Someone asked me today if I'm going for an Emily Dickinson look cause I'm pulling it off very well.

Mighty Fine has some killer strawberry lemonade

I like chapstick

I can't figure out how to add images to this thing

I like bacon. I will probably say this a lot

The coffee at my work tastes like roasted ass

http://theonedollarcampaign.blogspot.com/

It is shocking how many people don't know what IT means

My horoscope for today:
No matter what's going on, you should dive in as deeply as you can. It may be fun, it may be boring or it may be a little of both. Your energy should make today important and useful to all

umm WHAT?!?

When the really fat people walk around at work, the floor shakes. To the point of stuff on my desk actually moving.

Why is Boba Fett staring at me?

There was a spider on my desk. I screamed. It scared my co-workers :)

I feel bad that I didnt call Nikk back last night

Purcell is a funny name

I like waffles

I like changing my Yahoo IM status to random song lyrics to confuse people

I hate talking on the phone thanks to my job

I love it that this thing autosaves!!

I have a brick on my desk and I think its really funny

I wonder if trying hard to not really get any work done is just as hard as actually working

O/-<
O\-<
O/-<
O\-<

That is my happy dance. Learn it. Love it.

Chromaphage is a fun time waster that I can play at work

I like gum. It's fun to chew AND to say!
gum
gum
gum
gum
gum
It's one of those words that stops sounding like a real word if you say it enough. I'll hold on while you say it over and over and agree with me..

see?

I want to buy a poking stick. people that walk by my cube are subject to a poking!
poke poke poke poke poke

I wish I could smoke at my desk at work. I'd really get so much more work done if I didnt leave every hour.

There is a weird wiccan dude wearing a pink shirt at work and every time he walks by he smiles and stares at my tits. He's new.. he doesnt know I have mouth lazers and will de-man him if he doesnt stop it

Policy

Someone's cell phone is going off. Its on vibrate. It sounds like someone farting.

I'll post more later...

if you're lucky

bwahahaha

When I woke up this mornin.. I heard, a disturbin sound..

2008-10-27T12:15:00.004-05:00

And by disturbing sound, I of COURSE mean my drunk roommate, coughing up a very special blend of lung butter.

About 3 months ago, I look around my nearly vacant apartment and thought to myself, "Self, you live by yourself in a 2 bedroom apartment. Self, you are paying full rent and have a 2nd bedroom that is just closed off and the closet is being used as storage. Self, WTF." So, I got me a roommate.

I started my roommate search like everyone else does. Weeding out the crazies on craigslist. When nothing came of that, a guy at work had just gotten out of the hospital and had been staying in a "pay by the week" motel. Not thinking to ask why a 50 year old man would need to live in such a place, I offered my 2nd bedroom to him, for more than half of course. I have to make up for the extra use of water and electricity somehow, right?

So, he moves in. We will call him, W.

The first night W moved in, he proceeded to drink a 5th of vodka. I was not home while he was moving in and by the time I got home that evening, he was moved in, and quite drunk. I said ok.. most people drink gatorade and save the alcohol till they are done, but Ok. All I wanted to do that night was put away my laundry and watch a movie. W decided it would be a better idea to sit in the hallway in front of my door and talk to me. Of course I can't watch my movie or shut the door in his face, because that would just be rude.

Almost 3 months later.....
He's drank all the beer in my fridge, including my Guinness. If he wanted the Sam Adams and whatever else was in there from what I had bought a YEAR ago and stuff friends left from, a YEAR ago, ok.. but not my Guinness man.. that shit is sacred!
He has decided to help himself to my absynth.
He drinks a case of Busch's in about 2 days
He has skipped work, not just one day, but last week it was 4 days in a row, to stay home and get drunk
My apartment smells like stale beer

I go home, and go right to my room and shut the door. The soonest I can move out of this apartment is April.

Dear god.... Dear little baby jesus fetus up in heaven... give me the strength to not kill this man

IN OTHER NEWS

My very good friends, LucasCookus are putting out a CD. This has been planned and talked about for months, and 11/20 is the date of release, FINALLY.
I have been made their "anti-sobriety and debauchary coordinator". This basically means when I go to shows, I make it my personal mision to get them very very drunk. I accomplish this goal very well, thank you very much.

I wonder if I can get business cards and write off the bar tabs.......

Highlight of the day:
Seeing a riced out car. I know this is nothing special, but I gotta say, if I hadnt been driving, I would have had to take a picture. This was all kinds of special awesome WTF, including pinkish-purplish "flames" on the front and going down the sides. I think to myself, "Self, this is one special douch-bag" and I look...... and its a GIRL driving. It makes me sad for the entire female species. I apologize on behalf of her for making the city of Austin look at this.

Nonsense and Ramblings on a sunny Sunday

2008-10-26T14:11:00.000-05:00

For my first blog here, I think I should take a little time to introduce myself.

I am the win and awesome fairy, a name given to me by my best male friend, Mr. Nikk. I find this name funny and great because my life is usually anything but win and awesome. Don't get me wrong, my life, for the most part is pretty good. I have a job, I won't say a great job because it's really not, but it pays the bills and it offers medical insurance so I cant complain too much. That, and they put up with my ass on a daily basis so hey, they can't be ALL bad, right?

I live in the great town of Austin, TX. I am a lifelong Texas resident, but I'm not sure how much longer that is going to last. I feel as tho there is an entire world out there ready to be explored by me, things i cannot even begin to fathom that is pulling me in a hundred different directions. I feel the need to just, GO. This might be something i spout out for years to come, or I might just one day say fuck it and actually just... GO.

I have several really great friends. I feel blessed to have every one of them in my life. I wish some of them lived closer, but the ones that aren't here are only a phone call away.

So, this is me. Saying HELLO on a lazy sunny Sunday as i sit in my favorite coffee shop in Austin, drinking my weight in coffee and taking full advantage of the free wifi.

Highlight for today: Looking out the window at the coffee shop and seeing a sign on the light post outside that has 9 skull and crossbones and under those says Poke Her. I dont get it but its freaking awesome.